"Lord?
May I ask you something?"
"Because,"
He said, before I spoke further, "some will not be
saved."
That
was, of course, my question, after reliving the moments of my life
that had led me to Him. I was still amazed that He condescended to
speak with me, but not surprised at all that He knew my thoughts.
"My
son, I love everyone I have created; all whom I have knit together in
their mother's wombs, but unless their love in return is voluntary it
is meaningless. You know that."
"But
how can they not love You once You reveal Yourself to them? How can
they resist Your kindness and goodness. I do not understand."
"How
many years did you resist, Dead Man? How many kindnesses were you
shown before you came to recognize Me and to know that I love you?"
Then
like a high-speed three-dimensional HD video, all my life before
salvation unwound before my eyes, but this time from the immense
perspective of Heaven itself.
I
was instantly overwhelmed with the seemingly infinite details
involved in each redemptively significant incident; the intricate,
complex interwoven threads of literally thousands of lives and
billions of moments orchestrated by the hand of God Himself in order
to bring about a particular outcome.
No
happenstance wasted or purposeless. Nothing unforeseen or unexpected
from the Master Conductor's perspective, but each complex moment
managed with perfect adeptness and impact, moving one of the most
intractable, and stubbornly powerful forces in the Universe, the
human heart, one step closer to restoration and renewal.
It
bespoke phenomenal, extravagant and persistent effort on the part of
my Savior.
He
was lovingly unrelenting in His pursuit of me, yet never for even a
blink of an eye did He violate one iota of the free will He had
gifted me with as His creation. I understood then too, just a
glimpse, of what it meant to know the end from the beginning, while
at the same time having the freedom and divine power to bring that
foreseen ending about, yet simultaneously, and miraculously,
preserving that aspect of His creatures most akin to His image: the
ability to choose.
Of
all the acts of Deity, that seemed to me to be the most unimaginable.
Then,
as quickly as it had begun, it stopped and left my poor finite mind
spinning in a whirl of intricate possibilities played out over a
divine cosmic symphony larger than existence.
And
that was only the minute orchestral movement concerned with my own
particular life, without regard to the numberless other lives under
His omniscient care.
He
was Intelligence and Power and Grace and Mercy and Love beyond all
comprehension standing before me as a Man, being with me as if
I were the only creature in all of time and space.
I
had done nothing to deserve such attention. I was
nothing in comparison to Him, and yet here He was with me; Savior,
Lord, Brother, Friend, Creator, Redeemer, Author of Life Itself!
I
was not sufficient for these things. I never would be. No finite
being could be.
"Some
will not see. Some will not believe," He said
sadly, but without any diminution of the boundless joy that radiated
from Him; the joy that I knew, that I was certain, came simply
because He was with me!
I
did not understand. I did not need to understand. All I needed was to
remain in His Presence forever. All I wanted was for Him to never
leave me nor forsake me. This fellowship, this intimacy, this
was why I existed. This was why everything was created.
And
I was just on the Balcony of real existence, a mere visitor,
receiving as a gift beyond price this taste of eternity with My Lord.
What
other purpose could have any meaning?
What
other reason for anything would there be?
I
wanted to scream this to the world from the Balcony of Heaven with
all my heart.
O
Earth Earth Earth, hear the word of the Lord!
But
I knew with a measureless grief, that most would not listen, most
would not hear, and I think perhaps for yet another of the briefest
instants possible, I felt the infinite heartbreak of my God.
It
was unbearable.
© Bill Lilley 2011, 2013
