Looking
at Him now, being with Him now, I knew the answer to
all my questions, save one.
Except
for that one exception, the answer to everything else was Him.
It's
not that I felt my curiosity suppressed in the slightest. That was
not it at all. It was that my curiosity was instantly satisfied. In
His presence, all the why's and how's and what-if's were either
embodied in His purposes and immediately revealed, or rendered
irrelevant.
I
can't explain how I obtained that depth of information exactly, but I
suspect it had something to do with that first look into His eyes –
eyes that held the depth of all wisdom. It seemed I almost saw from
their vantage point, and while most of what I glimpsed at the time
was beyond magnificent, there were some things that, upon just a
moment's reflection, were unspeakably hideous.
For
one thing, I saw myself before He remade me in His image. I was like
a disgusting, parasitic worm, slavishly, compulsively, seeking my own
poisoned satisfaction, unable and unwilling to look beyond my own
doomed and death-filled priorities. Whatever else I was, my essential
nature was that of a rebel bloated with self at the expense of
everything and everyone else.
That
is who He went to the Cross to save, and that knowledge was like
being skinned alive, and beyond my endurance for more than a mere
moment without collapsing in utter shame and measureless gratitude.
No, I could not contemplate that answer for long at all.
But
there was much more. I understood now in wordless comprehension the
depth and loving brilliance of the whole history of Redemption, from
before the foundation of the world, stretching endlessly into
eternity.
I
saw with near perfect clarity God's mercy in sending His Son to take
away the sin of the world, a planet full of creatures just like me,
parasitic, blind, ruthless, self-absorbed sinners in rebellion
against all that is good and godly.
I
saw the heartache and death-agonies of the Son as, out of infinite
love and filial obedience, He willingly fulfilled the majestic and
holy purposes of the godhead in being that once-for-all propitiation
for the Father's righteous wrath against our willful ignorance and
incurable evil.
I
felt the overwhelming grace in His withholding final judgment
until all who would be saved came to the place of brokenness and
repentance in order to gain the right to be citizens of His glorious
and everlasting Kingdom.
He
gave me all the understanding that my puny, finite mind could contain
about His long-suffering heartbreak over the pain, sorrow and death
of life apart from Him, tolerated until the appointed time only
because His ultimate purposes for each one of His children were worth
all of existence to achieve.
But
the one question remained. It was this: How long O Lord until the
consummation of all these things? How many more evil days must pass
until the vile hatred, deceit, and perfidy of Fallen Life came to its
well-deserved and long-forestalled end?
It
was not a question tinged at all with accusation, or tainted by the
unspoken thought that His timing and judgment were anything
less than divine and perfect.
No,
it was the plaintive whine of a trusting child weary of a long and
arduous journey that seemed to be taking so unbearably long. It was
the tired complaint of a little one who just wanted, with all his
heart, mind and soul, to be Home.
"We
are almost there," He responded, knowing my question. "For
just a little while more, until the time is fulfilled, and I will
come to bring you to Me, so that where I am, you will be also.
Forevermore."
That
gentle answer to the cry of my heart, spoken by that Voice
that brought all Existence into being, and yet so intimately knowing
of me, brought an endless flow of tears of love and gratitude to my
eyes.
Of
course! my very soul cried out wordlessly. He is
the Answer to all questions. He is the Purpose
behind all things. He is Wisdom and Strength and
Power and Glory and Blessing and Honor forever and ever! He
does all things well!
And
He knows me by name.
And
He has called me to Him and made me know His Voice.
Not
because of anything about me, but because of who He is.
© Bill Lilley 2011, 2013
