There was so much sin and
pain and evil so clearly visible from this vantage point that was
otherwise easily overlooked on earth. But not seeing was
impossible from here.
I could only imagine how
continually despicable we humans appear before our holy God, with all
our bloody history splayed out before him like some gigantic
butchered beast.
That He refrained from
boiling the planet in rage was beyond me. That He continued to love
our species was inexplicable. We are so hopelessly mired in willful
ignorance and purposeless rebellion. How can He stand us for even a
nanosecond more?
"Ah! Lord God,"
I said feeling older and more tired than I could ever remember
feeling. And within that groan was wrapped crushing discouragement
and shame.
Aside from the tsunami of
innocent infant deaths, and a few occasional flashes of light from
this or that believer dying and making the blessed transition to this
place, all seemed utter darkness below.
I felt the weariness of
ages descend upon me and I wanted, above all else at that moment of
despair, to retreat forever into the protective and idyllic heart of
this sacred realm.
"Not yet, my son,"
He said gently. "It is not time for your Homecoming. There is
need for you below still, and when your life is done you will surely
enter My rest. But fear not, nor be discouraged, nor grow weary in
doing good. I AM your Lord and King. I AM all that you will ever
require. I AM He who holds all time and space in My hands, and there
is nothing that can stand against Me or My desire."
As He declared these
things, the weight of weariness lifted. My focus (and with it, my
hope) began to shift away from the world below and back onto Him.
And that was His point, of
course.
That has always been His
point.
"What I have shown
you is only a small portion of all the evil that takes place when I
and My Father are denied. The perverse twisting and torture of life
without Us is a tale of horror, the fullness of which, you could not
bear now. I have given you only the barest glimpse. But I would have
you learn this: that when all you see is darkness, your eyes, My son,
are in the wrong place. You must be wise in what is good and simple
concerning evil.
"And know this also:
I AM coming for those I have purchased with My blood. And I AM coming
to repay the evil done by all those who willfully refuse to know My
Father and Jesus Christ Whom He has sent. Be assured, I AM coming
soon, and then every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that
I AM Lord, to the glory of God, My Father."
Though He said this calmly
and quietly, I felt all existence tremble at His words.
I knelt before Him in
worship and awe. One refrain echoing marvelously in my mind: I AM
all that you will ever require!
When I looked up again, I
was alone on the Balcony.
Instantly, an overwhelming
longing drowned my heart. To not be in His presence caused an
ache that I would not have imagined possible.
"Ah! Lord God!"
I cried out once more. "Do not leave me!"
I felt someone approaching
from behind. It wasn't Him - I knew without looking.
I felt a strong hand on my
shoulder, gripping me firmly, somehow transmitting complete
understanding and compassion without a single word. I understood who
it was, then.
"It's you," I
said to my companion.
"He has not left you
alone," he reminded me. "He will never leave you alone. He
is with you always."
And I felt the comfort
intended by those words, and while it alleviated my grief, it made
the longing for His Presence that much sharper.
"Everything is so
empty without Him," I said very softly, almost to myself.
"You are never
without Him,” he reminded me gently, as if speaking to a forlorn
child.
“He died for you and
always lives to make intercession for you before the Throne of God.
And now you will spend the remainder of your days below as He
intends, eagerly awaiting His return... Or yours."
"I am to go back,"
I said. It was a statement, not a question.
"In a little while,"
he agreed with that smile of his. "But first, He has provided
you a parting gift, for He loves you with an everlasting love…"
© Bill Lilley 2011, 2013
