"Lord? May I ask you something?"
"Because," He said, before I spoke further, "some will not be saved."
That was, of course, my question, after reliving the moments of my life that had led me to Him. I was still amazed that He condescended to speak with me, but not surprised at all that He knew my thoughts.
"My son, I love everyone I have created; all whom I have knit together in their mother's wombs, but unless their love in return is voluntary it is meaningless. You know that."
"But how can they not love You once You reveal Yourself to them? How can they resist Your kindness and goodness. I do not understand."
"How many years did you resist, Dead Man? How many kindnesses were you shown before you came to recognize Me and to know that I love you?"
Then like a high-speed three-dimensional HD video, all my life before salvation unwound before my eyes, but this time from the immense perspective of Heaven itself. I was instantly overwhelmed with the seemingly infinite details involved in each redemptively significant incident; the intricate, complex interwoven threads of literally thousands of lives and billions of people-moments orchestrated by the hand of God Himself in order to bring about a particular outcome. No happenstance wasted or purposeless. Nothing unforeseen or unexpected from the Master Conductor's perspective, but each complex instant of time masterfully crafted with perfect adeptness and impact, moving one of the most intractable, and stubbornly powerful forces in the Universe, the human heart, one step closer to restoration and renewal.
It bespoke phenomenal, extravagant and persistent effort on the part of my Savior. He was lovingly unrelenting in His pursuit of me, yet never for even a blink of an eye did He violate one iota of the free will He had gifted me with as His creation. I understood then too, just a glimpse, and just for a brief moment, of what it meant to know the end from the beginning, while at the same time having the freedom and divine power to bring that foreseen ending about, yet simultaneously and miraculously preserving that aspect of me most akin to His image: the ability to choose.
As quickly as it had begun, it stopped. And it left my poor finite mind spinning in a whirl of intricate possibilities played out over a divine cosmic symphony larger than existence. And that was only the minute symphonic movement concerned with my own particular life, without regard to the numberless other lives under His omniscient care. He was Intelligence and Power and Grace and Mercy and Love beyond all comprehension standing before me as a Man, being with me as if I were the only creature in all of time and space.
I had done nothing to deserve such attention. I was nothing in comparison to Him, and yet here He was with me, Savior, Lord, Brother, Friend, Creator, Redeemer, Author of Life Itself!
I was not sufficient for these things. I never would be. No finite being could be.
"Some will not see. Some will not believe," He said sadly, but without any diminution of the boundless joy that radiated from Him; the joy that I knew, that I was certain, came simply because He was with me!
I did not understand. I did not need to understand. All I needed was to remain in His Presence forever. All I wanted was for Him to never leave me nor forsake me. This fellowship, this intimacy, this was why I existed. This was why everything was created.
And I was just on the Balcony of real existence, a mere visitor, receiving as a gift beyond price this taste of eternity with My Lord.
What other purpose could have any meaning?
What other reason for anything would there be?
I wanted to scream this to the world from the Balcony of Heaven with all my heart.
O earth earth earth, hear the word of the Lord!
But I knew with a measureless grief, that most would not listen, most would not hear, and I think perhaps for yet another of the briefest instants possible, I felt the infinite heartbreak of my God.
It was unbearable.