It was all becoming unbearable for me, this viewpoint of the world seen from the outskirts of Heaven. There was so much sin and pain and evil so clearly visible from this vantage point that was otherwise easily overlooked on earth. But not seeing was impossible from here. I could only imagine how continually despicable we humans appear before our holy God, with all history splayed out before him like some gigantic butchered beast.
That He refrained from boiling the planet in rage was beyond me. That He continued to love our race was inexplicable. We are so hopelessly mired in willful ignorance and purposeless rebellion. How can He stand us for even a nanosecond more?
"Ah! Lord God," I said feeling older and more tired than I could ever remember feeling. And within that groan was wrapped crushing discouragement and shame. Aside from the wave of innocent infant deaths, and a few occasional flashes of light from this or that believer dying and making the blessed transition to this place, all was darkness below. I felt the weariness of ages descending upon me and I wanted, above all else at the moment, to be spared this perspective and retreat into the protective and idyllic heart of this sacred realm.
"Not yet, my son," He said gently. "The time for you has not yet come. There is need for you below still, and when your life is done you will surely enter My rest. But fear not, nor be discouraged, nor grow weary in doing good. I AM your Lord and King. I AM all that you will ever require. I AM He who holds all time and space in My hands, and there is nothing that can stand against Me or My desire."
As He declared these things, I began to feel refreshed and renewed. My focus (and with it, my hope) began to shift away from the world and back onto Him. And that was His point, of course. It has always been His point.
There is nothing like your God smiling at you, His face shining down upon you. Nothing.
"What I have shown you is only the smallest portion of all the evil that takes place when I and My Father are denied. The perverse twisting and torture of life without Us is a tale, the fullness of which, you could not bear now, and I have protected you from most of it. But I would have you learn this: that when all you see is darkness your eyes are in the wrong place. I want you to be wise in what is good and simple concerning evil.
"And know this also: I AM coming for those I have purchased with My blood. And I AM coming to repay the evil done by all those who refuse to know My Father and Jesus Christ Whom He has sent. Be assured, My son, I AM coming soon, and then every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that I AM Lord, to the glory of God, My Father."
Though He said this calmly and quietly, I felt all existence tremble at His words.
I knelt before Him in worship and awe. One refrain echoing marvelously in my mind: I am His and He is my God!
When I looked up again, I was alone on the Balcony.
Immediately an overwhelming grief drowned my heart. To not be in His presence caused an ache that I could not have imagined possible.
"Ah! Lord God!" I cried out once more. "Do not leave me!"
I felt someone approaching from behind. It wasn't Him - I knew without looking.
I felt a strong hand on my shoulder, gripping me firmly, somehow transmitting complete understanding and compassion without a single word. I understood who it was, then.
"It's you," I said to my companion, the one who had first greeted me in this place so long ago, or so it seemed.
"He has not left you alone," he reminded me. "He will never leave you alone. He is with you always."
And I felt the comfort intended by those words, and while it alleviated my grief, it made the longing for His Presence that much sharper.
"I don't know what I will do without Him," I said very softly, almost to myself.
"But you do," he said to me. "You will live the remainder of your days below as He intends, eagerly awaiting His return. Or yours."
"I am to go back," I said. It was a statement, not a question.
"In a little while," he agreed with that smile of his. "But first, He has provided you a parting gift…"
